More Living...


The thought of death is frightening beyond belief.

Yet the ending of life seems as though it could be a relief.

Could it be the thirst for the ending we seek

Is to bring an end to only our misery and grief?


Can we find a way for ending the pain

Without ending the life we’re trying to gain

We wish for rainbows bright after the rain

And, shelter from the winds pounding us down again


It would be so easy to end it all

With no one to catch us when we fall

Tearful cries of despair when we crawl

Oh, the longing to once again stand tall


Do we possess the strength to above it rise?

Can we see ourselves through others’ eyes?

They see the potential we don’t recognize

In our hearts they see the dreams we might realize


We can do this!  I know that we can.

A better life is right in our hands

It will take some work to straighten our stance

And, give our dreams more than just a passing glance


We WILL do this!  It’s only a matter of time

Before the bleakness transforms into fight

We’ll look back one day in a moment of light

With pride of our victory to finally live more LIFE!


Echoes of darkness fill the night air

Wondering if anyone is really ever there

Is it my mind that’s beginning to wear

Or, is it my heart that’s begun to tear


Echoes of the night blow through the wind

The chill of hopelessness begins to set in

I’ve waited and waited for the darkness to end

Only to have it start all over again


Echoes of silence float in my mind

Swirling in motion a beautiful design

Of what’s to come in this future of mine

Wondering if it’s possible to win this time


Echoes of hope fill up my heart

It's so confusing knowing where to start

To pull the dreams out of the dark

And, in it all, being sure of my part

Music - A Part of My Life...

Music is definitely a huge part of my life.  If I had my way, there would be music playing 24/7 everywhere I go.  :D

My grandparents are the ones that taught me to truly "appreciate" music.  They listened to only country, gospel, or folk... but, they could tell you everything about the song that was playing.  My grandfather always knew the story behind the writing of the lyrics.  I was fascinated.  I loved spending time with them.  Falling asleep to a stack of 45's - Dolly Parton, Tanya Tucker, Brenda Lee, Conway Twitty, Merle Haggard, Porter Wagoner, Johnny Cash, Roy Clark, Buck Owens, Donna Fargo, Lynn Anderson, Loretta Lynn, Crystal Gayle, Eddie Rabbitt, Charley Pride, Ronnie Milsap, Ray Charles... and, on and on.  Each morning, my grandmother and I would sing songs like "Kiss An Angel Good Morning", "Happiest Girl In The Whole USA", and "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden".  While hanging out the clothes, we always sang "Amazing Grace" and "Rock of Ages".  And, in the afternoons we always sang folk songs out of a little cloth book she had.  My mother listened to Elvis, Neil Diamond, 60's and pop.  I remember us dancing together as a little girl to "Sugar, Sugar" by The Archies.  My father was into more of the songwriters, like James Taylor, Jim Croce, Johnny Rivers, Doobie Brothers, The Eagles, Bread, etc.  My uncle was into Black Sabbath, Blue Oyster Cult, Steppenwolf, etc.  While my friends and I grew up on AC/DC, Lynyrd Skynrd, Bob Seger, Pat Benatar, Ratt, Poison, etc.  I even had family and friends that listened to classical.  I loved it ALL.  I loved everything about it.  I enjoyed watching old black & white musicals.  And, on all sides of my family it was a common occurence to have everyone pick up an instrument and start playing and singing at just about any get together, big or small.

 My father used to write beautiful songs that stayed in a notebook.  I think I was the only one that ever got to see them.  My brother is an extremely talented guitarist who can play the drums when needed.  My ex-husband is an awesome drummer.  I've written songs.  I looooooooove singing.  My daughter sings, my older son plays guitar, and my younger son has played the hell out of drums very naturally since he was a toddler.

 So, yeah... music is a part of my life.  LOL.



This is who I am....

I love my kids. I can't imagine a love any greater than that of my children! When I first had my babies, I understood immediately that I could never love another human soul as much as I do my babies. And, then... my firstborn had her firstborn, and well.... still the same love as my own babies. I'm so very blessed.

I love my family. They are awesome and fun and always there for me. They care enough to want to make me laugh when I'm down and let me scream and holler when I'm angry. Good folks. All of them. I'm so very blessed.

I love my friends. They never let me down. They've been with me even during my darkest times without fail. I could never explain how much they mean to me or how grateful I am for their love and true friendship. I'm so very blessed.

I love the mountains AND the beach. In the mountains, I feel closer to God somehow. It's majestic. It's euphoric. I wish I were there right now. Just sitting on the porch of a cabin watching the wind blow. The clean smell of mountain air. *sigh* At the beach, I love the sound of the waves and the smell of the salt in the air. Especially at night, with the cool sand between my toes. *mmmmmm*

I love being in the country on a farm or in the city. I especially love having access to both. I looooooved living on a farm in North Carolina and growing up visiting my family in Georgia and Mississippi. God, what great memories! Some people think there's nothing to do in the country. Sometimes, it's just because we don't need to do anything. But, believe me, there's plenty to do... horses, four-wheelers, muddin', boating, fishing... hell, if you get too bored, just grab a gun and go shoot at some old cans or bottles. Or do nothing, but sit on the front porch and wave at the few cars that happen to pass by. But, I also love being in the city where's there are crowds of people always in a hurry and always with somewhere to go. Lots of things to do and see and lots of people to do it with.

My favorite smells are: the smell of my babies (especially right after a bath with lotion and powder, mmmm); the smell of honeysuckle (reminds me of my grandmother's vine when I was growing up and takes me back to a wonderful place in my life); the smell of freshly cut hay/grass (brings back memories of summers in GA & MS); the smell of rain (clean, washing away all the bad things in life and quenching the thirst of the earth); mountain air or salty beach air with coconut suntan oil; the smell of bacon frying... yummy.

My favorite sounds are: my kids laughing/giggling; screen door slamming or squeaking of a porch swing (takes me back to those summers in GA & MS); rain (especially on a tin roof!); a Harley revving up or even just idling; MUSIC.

I love wearing jeans and a tee and boots, or cut-offs and a tank top and flip flops, or a sundress and sandals, or a skirt and blouse with nice heels, or a really nice dress..... hmmm, I guess like everything else with me - from one extreme to the other. ;D

I love being a good friend and taking care of those I love. It makes me feel good to be there for others... especially if I can put a smile on their face. It's great making someone laugh and feel good about themselves. I enjoy letting people know how I feel about them.

I like flirting and joking around. I like feeling attractive and making others feel attractive as well. We're all beautifully imperfect, just the way God intended.

I'm independent.... but, would love to have someone to lean on once in a while. I'm strong and can take care of myself, but believe it would be very nice to not feel like I HAVE to all the time.

I like acting "bad" sometimes. It's just talk. It's just me pretending to be naughty. But, it's fun when I can just be me and know that the people that really "get" me still think of me as a lady.

I'm a homebody for the most part, but love getting dressed up and going out, too. I'm happy whether I'm at home doing nothing... maybe watching a game or movie.... or going out to dinner or dancing. And, I love traveling whether it's driving or flying (ok, so I have a fear of flying, but I love the convenience and speed)... camping or staying at a resort.

I want to learn. I want to try new things. I want to do things again that I love, but haven't done in a long time. I want to feel safe..... but, I never want to stop taking risks in life that can lead to better things.

All in all... I just want to be ME. I want to feel comfortable enough to just let all the different sides of me shine through without fear of being judged for something I'm not.

Taking Chances

It amazes me that so many people still hold back.  I understand being hurt.  I feel pain.  I know fear.  But, I also remember how beautiful being in love can be.  Do I want to grow old and be lonely, looking back and wishing that I'd done things differently?  No, I don't!  I have enough regrets in this life already.  I'm doing my best to no longer add to them.  I want to live now.  I want to be happy.  I want to love and be loved.
I don't NEED to fall in love right this moment.  I'm not even sure that I'm ready.  But, I don't want to turn away from it when it's presented to me, either.  I know that there is something wonderful waiting for me to be ready to receive it.  (I hope) I'll know when it's meant to be for me. 
I have a history of falling too hard.  Maybe that's why the whole dating thing makes me so nervous.  When I fall, it's a forever kind of love.  It's real and I give myself to it completely and wholly.  I realize now that not every relationship is meant to be forever.  Some are mere lessons to get us ready for our "forever" when it arrives.  Unfortunately, some people are so hung up on the pain of the ones that weren't meant to be, that they miss out on so many beautiful things standing right in front of them.  It's sad, really.  I don't want to be that person.
It's sad to think of all the people that never take chances.  The ones that sit so long on a decision because their scared of making the wrong choice that eventually, the choice is made for them.  Kind of like the shy boy that is too scared to ask the pretty girl out.  By asking, she MIGHT say "yes".  By not asking, the answer is always "no".  They don't realize that at least by making some kind of move they have a real opportunity for it to be the right one.  By making no move at all, the options don't even exist.
I want to take my time getting to know someone who will also WANT to get to know the real me.  I want to be real friends.  Best friends.  Friends that share secrets and memories - both ways!  I want to laugh together and feel comfortable enough to always just be myself no matter what the situation.  I want to be appreciated for what I give because I enjoy giving and love making someone happy.  I want to savor the taste of that first sweet kiss.  I want to have my breath taken away by the first brush of his hand against mine.  I want to feel SAFE in his arms.  I want to see truth and love in his eyes.  I want to hear respect and tenderness in his voice. 
I need him to communicate honestly with me even when words are impossible to find.  I need us to find our own way to show each other what we're needing, thinking, feeling, wanting.  I need for us to learn from each other.  I need to be important to him.  I need him to allow me to love him and trust him.
I would love to be the first one that he thinks of to share his day with.  If something good happens, I would be happy for him... and, proud.  I would hope he'd do the same for me.  If something is upsetting him, I would try to help him in whatever way he needs me to... even if all I can do is TRY or at the very least tell him how much I wish I could make it better.  I would hope he'd do the same for me.  I would love for him to embrace our differences.  I think it's great that we're not all alike.  We become our own support group and are able to learn from each other.  We share our strengths and weaknesses as a team while creating our own new dreams and goals together.
And, when it happens, I want it to be open... no dirty little secrets... just open affection accepted both ways.  I love letting someone know what they mean to me.  I love putting a smile on his face to help him through the day.  I love letting him know that I'm thinking of him.  I don't want to feel like I'm annoying him in some way by trying to do something special for him.  Maybe, just maybe, he could once in a while try to do something special for me, too.
And, even once I find this love... I want us both to do our part to keep it alive and fun and fulfilling.  People change and relationships change... we just have to remember to grow with it. 
One day.  Some day.  But, not now.  And, that's okay.  I'll wait.  Because I know it will be worth it... whoever and whenever it is.
The process of combining two lives can be tricky, but you have to give yourself room to at least try -- and even more room to make mistakes. Believe it or not, mistakes are necessary to building a relationship.

Just For Practice?

I'm convinced that your first kid is just for "practice" to hopefully get it right with the next you might have.  So, if you're a "first-born", at least now you know why you're so screwed up.  And, yes... I'm a "first-born".  :D
With your first baby, you are on top of the world excitedly ecstatic.  And, then... paranoia sets in as you realize you have no earthly clue what to do with this new baby.  You buy up every baby book and parenting magazine you can get your hands on.  You even find yourself soliciting advice from strangers in the supermarket.  Yet, you stubbornly hold steadfast in your decision to NEVER take advice from your parents, or your grandparents.  Because, let's face it... they're crazy.  Mothers smoked and drank while pregnant with us.  (Actually, mine doesn't smoke OR drink, but...)  They put us in unsafe playpens, cribs, and walkers.  Some children were even allowed to eat lead paint chips from the windowsill.  And, our dads were even worse.  Driving down the interstate at 80 m.p.h., where were we?  Sitting in Daddy's lap.  Oh, and we can't forget standing in the bed of a pickup truck flying down a bumpy dirt road.  (Which was oh so much fun!!!)  Seriously, it's a wonder we're still alive.
My daughter was just a tiny baby, in my arms screaming her head off, and I was crying right along with her.  My grandfather walked in and asked in that gruffy voice of his, "What's she fussin' about?"  With tears, I told him that she was teething and just miserable and I felt so helpless not knowing what to do to make her feel better.  He suggested, "Well, rub some whiskey on her gums, she'll hush."  WHAT?  "You want me to put alcohol in my baby's mouth?  Are you CRAZY?"  His response was a scoff and, "Oh, it didn't hurt you none."  Oh?  Maybe that's what's wrong with me.  Have you ever thought of that?  Hmmm?  But, I digress...
With your first kid, you sterilize everything in sight.  EVERYTHING.  Nothing of the baby's ever touches the floor.  If it does, you re-sterilize it or throw it out.  The baby gets the slightest sniffle, the entire family is at the emergency room of the hospital.... 4:30 a.m.... doesn't matter.  And, animals are allotted only so much "face" time with the baby.  Because, while we love our animals, we've all heard the horror stories of how the family pet takes the baby's head in its mouth shaking it like a rag doll and mauling it half to death, scarred for life.  And, while we believe that our beloved pet would never do such a horrid thing, the stories stick with you!
Your second kid comes along.  You're excited all over again, but still a bit nervous.  The baby books and parenting magazines?  Those are tucked away on a shelf somewhere because you're slightly suspicious as to whether or not the authors of said materials have ever even had children of their own.  You refuse to even listen to the advice your good friends give because, you're now aware of the fact that they're just as clueless as you are.  You still sterilize everything in the house... but, the "5 second rule" comes into play.  When the baby's binky falls on the floor, you pick it up, blow it off, and pop it back into his mouth.  What?  It was only on the floor for a second, people... don't look at me that way.  You've learned what a real fever is so while you're still on the phone with the pediatrician all hours of the night, your ER visits are cut way back.  And, hey... if the dog wants to lick ice cream off his face, is it really the end of the world?  He HATES washing his face... the dog LOVES ice cream.  It's a win-win situation for everyone involved, people. 
You find yourself with your third child... still very excited, and you're very proud of yourself that the first two are still alive so you figure you've become a pro at this.  First of all... those baby book and parenting magazines have been pushed off onto some other unsuspecting first-time parent.  You're now convinced that these people aren't even writing for the human species.  Wait... maybe it was just my kids that weren't hu... never mind.  You've also realized that many of the old home remedies that your grandparents passed down to your parents... gulp... really do work.  Remember when my grandfather wanted me to rub the whiskey on my baby daughter's gums for her teething pain?  Well... it turned out that the main ingredient in the Baby Anbesol that I was rubbing fervently in her mouth... ahem... was alcohol.  *sigh*  And, all in all, we're still alive so I guess they couldn't have done too badly in raising us, huh?  Again, I digress...
You still sterilize all the necessities, but....... well....... when someone brings to your attention that the baby has just picked up something off the floor and put it in his mouth, your only concern is if he's choking.  No?  He's fine.  You think it might've been a bug.  Ewww.  Well, you know... in some countries they consider that a delicacy.  So my kid's multi-cultured.  And, isn't it supposed to be a source of protein.  Cool.  That'll make up for me forgetting to give him his vitamins today.  Stop looking at me like that.  You still are up to date on all the vaccinations and check ups... but, someone alerts you that he's been hurt badly and to come quick... you respond calmly with, "Ok, tell me what happened.  Is there bone protruding through the skin anywhere?  No?  Blood pulsing from the femoral or carotid artery?  No?  Ok, let me grab a cookie and a band-aid and I'll be right there to kiss it better.  Oh wait, these are homemade peanut butter cookies.  A band-aid and a kiss are good."  What?  The homemade peanut butter cookies are awesome!  You'd steal them, too.  Don't judge me.  Oh, and I dare anyone to tell me I haven't heard this a time or two... "Oh my God, Sheri, he's licking that damn dog in the mouth again!"  He likes the dog, what do you want me to do?  "You said the mouth, right?"  It can always be worse.

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